Influence and Influencing
At times we need to influence effectively and convincingly. Within NLP there are many approaches to improve our influencing skills. This post outlines how NLP can help amplify four traditional approaches to influence:
- Persuading
- Asserting
- Attracting
- Bridging
We also look at which approaches match which personality types.
The more we practice these techniques, the better we become at influencing others, so the more responsible we are for our impact on others. We strongly suggest a ‘Win-Win’ approach.
One of the keys to improving our ability to influence is knowing when to ‘validate and engage’ (pace) and when to ‘correct and convince’ (lead). We always want to pace first before we lead, however, sometimes we can do this very quickly, at other times we need to take the time our client needs to be comfortable with our approach.
Persuading and Asserting are leading techniques whereas both Attracting and Bridging involve elements of pacing.
Persuading
Persuading works well with action-orientated people who like direct influence styles. The style has a strong logical element.
(Works well with individuals with Disc types I, D & C, and Active and Internal Meta Programmes).
The Style involves proposing and reasoning:
Proposing
“I propose we …”
“I suggest we …”
Followed by a reason:
“…because we’ll both benefit.”
“…because our stakeholders will really like it.”
Followed by a close/check understanding:
“You’ll be able to do this? Won’t you?”
“You’ll seriously think about it and come back with your decision? Won’t you?”
(And we always thank people when they commit to something we want.)
Note: The approach is logical as opposed to emotional. The Assertive approach which follows is more emotional.
Asserting
Asserting works well with action orientated people who like direct influence styles. The style has a strong emotional element.
(Works well with individuals with Disc types I, D & C, and Active, Internal and People Meta Programmes).
The Style involves evaluating, stating expectations and using incentives and pressures:
Evaluating:
“I liked it when you did x, it was a really great job,” and
“I wasn’t keen when you did Y,” (you may add: “because it didn’t move us towards Z.“)
Stating Expectations:
“I want you to do Z”
“I need you to do Z”
Using Incentives and Pressure
“If you do Z you’ll be on your path to promotion, otherwise, you’ll have to wait until next year.”
Followed by a close/check understanding:
“You’ll be able to do this? Won’t you?”
“You’ll seriously think about it and come back with your decision? Won’t you?”
(And we always thank people when they commit to something we want.)
Note: The approach is more emotional, as opposed to logical. The Persuasive approach above is more logical.
Attracting
Attracting works well with reflective-orientated people who like indirect influence styles. However the style also has an inspirational element.
(Works with individuals with all Disc types, but particularly Style S and I, and both Active and Reactive, Internal and External Meta Programmes).
The Style involves finding common ground and sharing values and/or visions:
Finding Common Ground
“What’s important to you about this?”
“What do you want to achieve with this?”
Followed by a sharing values and/or vision:
“...I can see the look on the face of your team when you achieve this.”
“...You’ll feel really special when you’ve pulled this off.”
Followed by a close/check understanding:
“You’ll commit to working together on this, won’t you?”
“You’ll seriously think about it and come back with your decision? Won’t you?”
(And we always thank people when they commit to something we want.)
Bridging
Bridging works works well with reactive-orientated people who like indirect influence styles. The style has a strong listening element.
(Works well with individuals with Disc types C and S, and Reactive and People Meta Programmes).
The Style involves involving, demonstrate listening and disclosing:
Involving:
“I’d appreciate your help on this.”
“Tell me more.”
Demonstrate Listening:
Reflect back their key words, with a touch of their rhythm and intonation. “Have I got that right?”
Disclose Something Relevant and Personal
“I’ll have a real challenge if we don’t finish this, and I’ll really appreciate your help.”
Followed by a request /close/check understanding:
“What might you do to help me?”
“You’ll be able to do this? Won’t you?”
“You’ll seriously think about it and come back with your decision? Won’t you?”
(And we always thank people when they commit to something we want.)
Note The approach is more emotional as opposed to logical. The Persuasive approach above is more logical.
We offer prospective coaching and training clients 3 ‘no charge’ Skype/Zoom/Google Meet discovery sessions, so you can make your own decision as to how well it will work, before you go ahead with a programme.
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4 Situational Influencing Styles To Get What You Want